GOPocalypse Now Weekly Roast: Tariffs, Tyrants, and a Big Mac Meltdown
Tariffs, tantrums, and totalitarian thirst traps — this week’s GOPocalypse Roast covers Trump’s economic dumpster fire, mass deportation drama, and Project 2025’s latest creep toward fascism. Welcome to the satire survival guide you didn’t know you needed.
Week of July 27–August 1, 2025
“The circus was open-air, then Trump raised the tent… into tariffs.”
🎯 1. Trump’s Tariff Tantrum Spooks Markets
President Trump ignited a multi-front trade war by announcing new tariffs on over 60 countries — 35% on Canada, 41% on Switzerland, and a surprise “just because” 38% on India. Wall Street reacted like someone unplugged the economy mid-Netflix binge, with the Dow nosediving over 600 points.
Snarkbite: It’s like the 1930s again — but with more Big Macs and less math.
📚 CNN
📉 2. Jobs Report Flops, Trump Fires the Stats Guy
July’s jobs report came in way below expectations (73,000 new jobs). Trump responded by firing the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics — because in MAGAland, when reality disappoints, you cancel the facts.
Snarkbite: “Make America Gaslit Again.”
🧳 3. Judge Blocks Mass Migrant Expulsions, Right-Wing Screeches Heard from Space
A federal judge halted the deportation of 60,000 migrants to Honduras, Nicaragua, and Nepal — citing international human rights law. Republicans quickly accused the judge of treason, communism, and possibly witchcraft.
Snarkbite: DeSantis has reportedly renamed the Everglades detention site “Camp Crybaby.”
📚 NY Post
🏛️ 4. Project 2025: The Blueprint for Authoritarian Makeovers
The Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 continues to haunt democracy. New reports confirm that Trump’s administration is quietly installing the playbook’s policies: purging civil service protections, inflating executive power, and flirting with full-on theocracy.
Snarkbite: Finally, a plan that asks: “What if The Handmaid’s Tale had a tax shelter?”
📚 CBS News
🔥 Snark of the Week
“Trump’s campaign is basically QVC for fascism now.”
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