Trump’s White House Ballroom: Where Democracy Goes to Die (and Tap Dance)

By Bob Robertson, National Satire Correspondent and Reluctant Interior Designer to Dictators

Good news, America! While you're out here worrying about your rent, reproductive rights, or whether we’ll still have elections in two years, Donald J. Trump—our wannabe autocrat with the aesthetic of a Vegas buffet—has announced he’s building a ballroom at the White House. Because obviously, what this fragile democracy was missing… was a chandeliered shrine to his ego.

Yes, according to Trump himself (because God forbid we miss a delusional Truth Social tantrum), no president before him had the knowledge to build a ballroom. Lincoln? Amateur. FDR? Weak. Obama? Interior design loser. But Donald? He has “experience,” folks. He’s seen gold. He’s touched marble. He’s watched The Apprentice reruns on loop. Who better to redesign the People’s House than the man who thought gluing gold toilets into a Manhattan high-rise was class?

💬 “These are the ‘fun’ projects I do…”

That’s a real quote. Not satire. While you’re fighting off economic anxiety, climate collapse, and political whiplash, Trump is daydreaming about waltzing through democracy’s ashes in a $30 million ballroom with mirrors, velvet drapes, and the faint smell of coup attempt.

Meanwhile, he claims he's “thinking about the World Economy, China, Russia, and other Countries.” What exactly is he thinking? Probably:

• “Can I build a tower in Moscow yet?”
• “How many Xi portraits can I hang in the foyer?”
• “Will Melania show up if I put her on the guest list as ‘Ivanka Trump’?”

Let’s be honest: this isn’t a ballroom. It’s a monument to mediocrity wrapped in fake gold leaf, a final middle finger to every president who understood dignity, restraint, or interior design that didn’t involve spray-tan lighting.

🎟️ What will happen in this ballroom?

• Book burnings, probably.
• Inaugural balls for fascists.
• Karaoke night where Rudy Giuliani sings “Candle in the Wind” to a portrait of Steve Bannon.

And you know Trump already picked out the dance: the Mar-a-Lame Shuffle, where you lie, deflect, pivot, grift, and scream "witch hunt" when caught.

👑 Final Thoughts:

A White House ballroom isn’t just unnecessary. It’s obscene. It’s Versailles-level delusion.
But with him in power, it's not just curtains and chandeliers — it’s the final act of the American experiment.

Because no dictator ever dances alone.