Trump’s Meme Coin Gala: Where Ethics Go to Die in a Gold-Plated Golf Cart

By Bob Robertson, White House Correspondent for the Department of Satirical Security

Welcome to late-stage democracy, where governing is a vibe, conflicts of interest are collectible, and access to the president can now be purchased via meme coin.

Last Thursday night, President Donald J. Trump hosted an exclusive gala dinner at his Potomac-adjacent golf club for the top 220 holders of his $TRUMP meme coin—an asset so volatile it makes Dogecoin look like a municipal bond.

The event was billed as “The most exclusive invitation in the world,” which is also what they say about jury duty if you’re rich and white enough to dodge it.

Let Them Eat Filet (If They Hold $20 Million in Shitcoins)

For the low, low price of roughly $394 million in speculative nonsense, attendees were treated to a gourmet dinner, a scenic view of American decay, and—briefly—a promised private White House tour which was later deleted from the event website.

(This was presumably after someone remembered that inviting foreign crypto whales into the executive mansion might violate not only federal law, but also the basic concept of shame.)

Among the attendees was Justin Sun, a Chinese crypto billionaire with an arrest warrant collection that rivals Trump's hat collection. He reportedly holds over $20 million in $TRUMP coins—which is impressive, given that it’s not even accepted at the Trump Grill.

Conflict of Interest? Never Heard of Her

While most presidents tiptoe around the appearance of impropriety, Trump is performing a tap-dance on the Constitution while holding an NFT of himself dressed as a superhero.

He sees no problem with Qatar offering to gift a 747 jet as the next Air Force One, which will later be donated to his presidential library—which, one assumes, will be a Chili’s with a hologram of Dan Bongino yelling at you in the bathroom.

But don’t worry—White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt says this was “on his personal time.”
Which is reassuring, because when I sell access to nuclear secrets over dinner, I always clock out first.

🌍 Foreign Influence? Just Part of the Blockchain, Baby.

Most of the top investors in $TRUMP coin appear to be based overseas, and while foreign nationals are prohibited from donating to U.S. campaigns, this technically isn't a donation—it’s just buying influence and access via JPEG-powered finance.

“This is government policy up for sale,” said Sen. Jeff Merkley from outside the Trump club, where protestors chanted, “No NFTs in diplomacy!”

Meanwhile, Trump's legal team says it’s all perfectly above board. And if you disagree, you’re probably part of the deep state, the fake news, or—worst of all—a certified accountant.

📜 Disclaimer

This is a work of satire. No meme coins were harmed, but democracy is definitely on life support.