Trump’s DOJ Opens a Time Portal to 2016—Because Apparently That’s Easier Than Governing in 2025

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

It’s 2025. Inflation is climbing, hurricanes are on fire, and Trump’s economic plan involves tariffing your grandma’s knitting needles. So naturally, the Justice Department’s top priority is... investigating Obama officials for investigating Trump nine years ago.

Yes. You read that right.
Pam “Still Waiting for a Callback from Fox News” Bondi and Tulsi “I Swear I’m Not a Russian Asset” Gabbard have teamed up like a fascist buddy comedy reboot of X-Files—except instead of aliens, they're hunting deep state ghosts of 2016.

Let’s unpack the fever dream.

The Charges: “They Investigated Me!”

According to Gabbard, recently declassified documents might show that intel agencies possibly didn’t like Trump and allegedly looked into Russian interference in the 2016 election (you know, the one every U.S. intelligence agency already confirmed happened).

And what’s the consequence of uncovering… evidence-based concern?

A grand jury, baby.
Because nothing screams “banana republic” like using federal prosecutors to punish people who did their jobs while you were busy tweeting “Covfefe.”

Pam Bondi: Attorney General Barbie™

Pam Bondi, who once looked America dead in the eyes and endorsed Trump from the Republican National Convention like it was a casting call for Real Housewives of Authoritarianism, is now running the DOJ.

Her mission:

• Not stop corruption.
• Not prosecute Jan. 6 seditionists.
• Not even chase Trump’s unpaid golf course taxes.
  But instead, go full legal DeLorean and retroactively criminalize being mean to Donald in 2016.

We are now living in the world’s pettiest reboot of Law & Order: SVU (Special Victims of Unflattering Memos).

Tulsi Gabbard: From Anti-War to Anti-Intel

Remember when Tulsi was the anti-establishment progressive? That was cute.

Now she’s DNI (Director of National Insanity) and her job is:

• Declassify anything that flatters Trump.
• Reclassify facts that don’t.
• And imply that Obama’s ghost is still secretly running the FBI from a cave in Kenya.

She’s basically the human version of an Alex Jones Reddit thread—just with security clearance and a military jacket.

Down the Rabbit Hole We Go

Let’s be honest: This isn’t about justice. It’s about revenge cosplay for MAGA dads who never got over the fact that the FBI once looked at Trump funny.

Because in the Trumpiverse, everything is projection:

• Committed treason? Investigate the people who investigated it.
• Got indicted four times? Accuse your accusers of thought crimes.
• Burned the Constitution? Call it a barbecue and charge admission.

This is a witch hunt for the people who tried to stop the last witch hunt—except the original witch actually didcollude with witches (and oligarchs, and hostile foreign governments, but let’s not split hairs).

The Outcome? Chaos. Obviously.

Will anyone get convicted? Probably not.
Will your Aunt Karen post 47 memes about how James Comey is going to Gitmo? Absolutely.
Will this distract from the fact that America is currently held together with zip ties and Zillow ads for bunkers? You bet your classified documents it will.

Final Thought: Welcome to 2025, Where the Past is Always Present

In a functioning democracy, grand juries investigate crimes.
In a failing democracy, they investigate the people who investigated the crimes.

Trump isn’t draining the swamp. He’s just repurposing it for revenge tourism.

And if this works? Get ready for the sequel:
“Biden: The Hunter Games” — Now with 40% more projection and 100% less constitutional integrity.