Trump’s $249 Presidential Perfume Is Real — And It Smells Like Corruption, Desperation, and Eau de Fascism
Trump is now selling $249 cologne in his own golden image. It's not a joke. It's not satire. It's real — and it's peak dictatorship merch.
Because nothing says “public service” like turning the presidency into a mall kiosk
By Bob Robertson GOPocalypse Now
Victory 45-47: The luxury cologne for dictators on the go
In today’s episode of This Can’t Be Real, President Donald J. Trump—yes, the current president—has launched his own fragrance line. It’s not satire. It’s not metaphor. It’s Victory 45-47, a $249 bottle of ego, shaped like a golden Trump statue.
Yes, it’s real. Yes, he’s profiting. Yes, we’re still pretending this is normal.
Behold: Victory 45-47, the $249 Dictator Dashboard Cologne
The perfume bottle is a golden bust of Trump’s head—because subtlety died sometime around 2016. Described as capturing “the essence of success,” it reportedly smells like:
- Axe body spray filtered through a foreclosure
- A fryer full of Big Macs
- And just a hint of martial law
Who’s Selling It? A Web of Shell Companies and Winks
This isn’t just retail. It’s regime commerce.
The perfume is technically sold by 45Footwear LLC, a company with zero footwear and lots of fragrance. Trump claims no involvement—other than licensing his name, image, bust, and whole personality via CIC Ventures LLC, which he does own.
It’s not technically part of his political campaign—wink—but CIC Ventures appeared on Trump’s 2024 disclosures as being worth up to $5 million. That’s a lot of scent for a president.
The Trump Cologne Lineup: Scents of Scandal
Victory 45-47 is just one musk in the presidential collection. Others include:
🧼 Fight, Fight, Fight
Inspired by the Butler, PA rally incident. Smells like ego, polyester, and desperation wrapped in Kevlar.
🚿 Victory
Sold out. Just like America’s dignity.
🚨 Trump
A unisex blend of diesel fumes, fraud, and gentle notes of tax evasion.
“These aren’t just fragrances. They’re a tribute to the Trump legacy: corruption, merchandising, and bold new aromas of authoritarianism.”
What Ethics Laws? The Grift Goes Unchecked
Trump is still in office. Still launching airstrikes. Still threatening mass deportations. And now, also launching luxury fragrances from the same golden tower of delusion.
The Senate response? Deafening silence.
Ethics watchdogs? Barking into the void.
Melania? Probably lighting a match.
If George Washington paused the war to sell scented wigs, this would be the sequel.
Closing Notes: Democracy Never Smelled So Cheap
Only in America can you:
- Be impeached twice
- Indicted four times
- Survive an assassination attempt
- Then sell a $249 golden perfume bottle of yourself…
While still president.
And it’s working. The grift keeps grifting. The scent keeps selling. And the republic? Still collapsing—one spritz at a time.
TL;DR
Trump’s Victory 45‑47 perfume is real. It costs $249. It smells like corruption and comes in a mini golden bust. And no one’s stopping him.
Like the Smell of Satire?
If you enjoyed this fragrant descent into absurdity:
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Because when truth stinks, someone’s gotta bottle it.
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