Trump Unveils New Air Force One: A Blimp Shaped Like His Head

By Bob Robertson, Chief Correspondent for Aeronautical Egos and Floating Delusions

In a bold leap forward for vanity and backward for aviation safety, President Donald J. Trump has announced that the next presidential aircraft will not be a plane—but rather, a blimp shaped exactly like his own head.

“It’s gonna be YUGE. The biggest, best presidential aircraft in history. Floats better than Biden’s approval rating. Way better,” Trump told reporters at a press event held on a golf green shaped like Florida.

Dubbed Air Force Won™, the blimp will serve as the official airborne office of the President and the first aircraft in history designed to look like someone who’s been indicted four times.

It’s Not Just Hot Air—Well, Actually, It Is

According to blueprints drawn by Eric Trump in a coloring book, the Trump blimp will feature:

• A gold-leaf MAGA command deck
• A private cheeseburger lounge equipped with a ketchup sommelier
• A 24-hour live stream of Trump speeches playing on loop
• And an emergency escape chute shaped like Melania’s disapproval

The blimp will be inflated using a classified blend of hot air, right-wing podcast soundbites, and the breath of Steve Bannon.

“It floats like freedom and smells like beef,” said Trump, beaming as the prototype wobbled behind him, narrowly missing a bald eagle statue.

International Reactions

The FAA responded with, “We're just trying to get through the week.”
Elon Musk replied on X, “I offered him a rocket shaped like his hair. He said it wasn’t ‘round enough.’”
Florida immediately offered tax credits, land, and a loyalty oath.
NATO released a statement that simply read: “Why.”

Meanwhile, former President Joe Biden, now enjoying retirement and pudding in Delaware, was asked what he thought of the Trump blimp.

“If it gets him out of my airspace, great,” Biden said while laughing, then added, “Let’s just hope no one pokes it.”

💥 Expert Reactions

Historians are still processing it.
Pilots are “genuinely horrified.”
Ethics lawyers are sobbing into their wine.

“We’ve gone from Lincoln’s log cabin to a dirigible shaped like a tantrum,” one scholar noted.

Disclaimer

This post is a work of satire. No ego-inflated blimps currently serve as official U.S. aircraft… though the sky is clearly no longer the limit.