Trump’s Tariff Tantrum: Now With 100% More Stupidity

It’s 2025. Donald J. Trump is once again the actual President of the United States—because apparently America wanted one more spin on the chaos carousel. And like any rerun no one asked for, we’re getting all the worst plotlines: grifting, gaslighting, and garbage economic policy.

Today’s delusion? Tariffs. Trump swears they’re making America rich, fixing factories, and magically creating jobs by “taxing China.” In reality?
He’s taxing you.
He’s inflating your groceries.
He’s breaking the economy harder than Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye during a heat wave.

Trump’s $2 Billion-a-Day Delusion

Trump says:

“We’re making $2 billion a day on tariffs!”

That’s cute. It’s also not true.

• The actual June 2025 tariff revenue was about $27 billion total.
• That’s under $1 billion per day, Don.
• Math is hard, we know—but this isn’t even “rounding up,” it’s full-blown delusion cosplay.

By this logic, Trump probably thinks he’s 6'4", weighs 210, and won a Nobel Prize in "Economicaling."

The Factory “Revival” That’s Mostly Just Smoke (and Bankruptcies)

Trump claims tariffs are jumpstarting American manufacturing like a dead car battery. Except instead of a spark, we’re getting:

• 2% to 4.5% increases in factory costs, according to a brand-new Equitable Growth study.
• Threats of wage freezes, layoffs, and the sudden urge among CEOs to throw themselves into an open vat of melted aluminum.
• Zero signs of a job boom, unless you count the guy who sells “TRUMP 2028” airbrushed trucker hats at rallies.

In short: the only thing being manufactured at scale is bullshit.

“China Pays the Tariffs” — And Other Economic Fan Fiction

Trump says:

“Don’t worry, China’s paying for the tariffs!”

Economists say:

“I need a drink.”

Reality check: Tariffs are import taxes. U.S. businesses pay them up front. Then they pass those costs on to you like a flaming bag of dog poo on your economic doorstep.

• The average American household will lose $2,400 to $3,800 per year thanks to these tariffs.
• That’s enough to cover groceries, gas, or therapy to cope with the fact that this man is still president.

Meanwhile, the only person not paying? Trump. Because as we all know, he doesn’t pay for shit.

Inflation: Coming to a Wallet Near You

You’d think that after all the yelling about Biden’s inflation, Trump would avoid throwing gasoline on the price fire. But nope! Instead:

• The Boston Fed warns tariffs are driving core inflation up 0.5 to 2.2 percentage points.
• Consumer prices are rising across electronics, furniture, and clothing—which explains why your new jeans cost more than a Taylor Swift ticket.

Pro tip: when you say you’re fighting inflation while actively creating it, that’s not policy—it’s economic trolling.

GDP Shrinkage, But Not the Good Kind

Trump’s 2025 economic results include:

• GDP growth down 0.5 to 0.9 points.
• Long-term output loss of up to $160 billion per year.
• Lifetime household losses up to $22,000.
• And his golf score? Still suspiciously good.

If Trump ran your household budget, he’d tell you buying 200 gold toilets is “an investment”—then blame your bankruptcy on China.

Satirical Scene: Inside the “Factory of Lies™”

Scene opens on a fake factory façade held up with duct tape and NFTs. A banner reads “TRUMPONOMICS: MADE GREAT AGAIN.”

Inside:

• Trump is feeding monopoly money into a broken vending machine labeled “TARIFFS = FREE MONEY.”
• Workers in the background whisper, “We’re getting laid off, right?” as a robot named Ivankabot quietly exits to Dubai.
• A ticker above Trump’s head reads:
  • Tariff Revenue: Kinda Real
  • Jobs Created: LOL
  • Consumer Pain: MAXIMUM

Related Reading for the Outraged (and Fully Sane):

• Trump’s $249 Presidential Perfume: Now in 'Smells Like Fascism'
• Project 2025: The Christian Nationalist Fever Dream Now in 4K

Final Thought: You’re the Piggy Bank. Trump’s the Sledgehammer.

Tariffs don’t punish China. They punish you.
They don’t create jobs. They destroy margins.
They don’t fix inflation. They slap a MAGA sticker on it and call it patriotic.

So the next time you hear Trump say “We’re getting rich off tariffs,” ask yourself:

“Why does it feel like I’m the one getting screwed?”

(Hint: You are.)