Trump Wears “Right About Everything” Hat While the Jobs Report Proves He’s Wrong About, Well, Everything

Donald Trump has been strutting around in his new favorite merch — a hat embroidered with “Trump Was Right About Everything.” Bold choice for a man presiding over the weakest jobs report in years.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics released August’s numbers, and let’s just say: if this is “right about everything,” then the Titanic was “right about icebergs.”

The Sad Stats

• 22,000 jobs added. That’s it. That’s the whole list. The economy coughed up fewer jobs than Trump has lawyers.
• Unemployment up to 4.3%. Trump promised to “create jobs like never before.” Technically true — we’ve never seen job growth this anemic.
• Manufacturing and construction lost jobs. Remember when he swore tariffs would save American industry? Turns out tariffs are just taxes in a red hat — and they’re killing jobs faster than you can say “Where’s the beef?”
• Government jobs slashed. Trump’s “drain the swamp” really just means “fire career experts, replace them with lackeys, then call the wreckage efficiency.” The Bureau of Labor Statistics might soon be run out of an Excel spreadsheet at Mar-a-Lago.

The White House Spin Cycle

Of course, the Trump administration isn’t admitting failure. Instead, they’ve declared victory by announcing 500,000+ jobs created overall and 2.4 million native-born jobs.

The catch? Those numbers came from the White House itself — not economists, not neutral agencies, just Trump’s propaganda shop. It’s basically a jobs report written in Sharpie.

It’s a familiar pattern:

• Trump University: a school with no classes.
• Trump Steaks: meat no one wanted.
• Trump Jobs Report: numbers no one can verify.

This is the same logic behind his self-awarded Asshole of the Century crown — completely divorced from reality.

“The Greatest Businessman”? Please.

Trump has always claimed to be a business genius. The receipts say otherwise:

• Six bankruptcies.
• Casinos that lost money (which is like burning cash at an ATM).
• A fraudulent “university” that taught people how to get scammed.
• A jet grounded more often than the Fed’s interest rates.

Now he’s bringing that same Midas-in-reverse touch to the U.S. economy. If America were a casino, Trump would’ve already pawned the slot machines to pay his legal fees.

The Hat vs. Reality

The “Trump Was Right About Everything” hat should come with a Surgeon General’s warning:
Wearing this hat may cause unemployment, rising food prices, and sudden outbreaks of alternative facts.

And let’s be real — the only thing he’s ever been “right” about is firing people. Josh Hawley’s attempt to repeal his own vote on Medicaid cuts proved even Trump’s allies can’t spin his disasters. When your own team can’t defend you, you’re not “right about everything.” You’re wrong about most things.

Truth-in-Advertising Fix

If we’re being honest, the hat should read:

• “Trump Was Right About Hats.”
• “Trump Was Right About Firing People.”
• Or the most accurate: “Trump Was Right About Trump.”

Everything else? Wrong. Spectacularly, historically wrong.

Final Punchline

Trump’s hat says he was right about everything. The jobs report says he was right about nothing. And if you really want proof, just ask the unemployed workers left behind by his tariffs and tax cuts for the rich — the same cuts fueling his Christian nationalist Project 2025 blueprint.

Because if Trump was right about everything, we’d all be millionaires, steak lovers, and college graduates from Trump U. Instead, we’re broke, hungry, and still waiting on our refunds.