Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize? Sure, Right After He Wins the Science Fair for Bleach Injections
Speaker Mike Johnson wants Trump to win the Nobel Peace Prize for “advancing peace.” Because nothing says harmony like inciting riots, cozying up to dictators, and suing democracy for defamation.
By GOPocalypse Now
Serving truth with a side of sarcasm (and a Nobel-worthy eye-roll)
Peace Through Strength, and Selective Amnesia
Speaker Mike Johnson just announced he’s teaming up with Israeli Knesset Speaker Amir Ohana to rally world leaders into nominating Donald J. Trump for the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize. Because nothing screams “global harmony” like a man who tried to overturn an election, encouraged a mob to storm his own Capitol, and once suggested nuking hurricanes.
According to Johnson, “No one has done more to advance peace and save lives around the world.” True, if we’re talking about the peaceful transition of power from democracy to delusion.
Achievements in Alternative Reality
Apparently, Johnson’s nomination pitch is built on Trump’s “historic” peace plan in the Middle East. You know, the one that went so well it triggered years of escalating conflict and got him impeached... twice.
Let’s recap Trump’s other contributions to world peace:
- North Korea: Gave Kim Jong Un a photo-op and got ghosted harder than a Tinder date.
- Iran: Tore up the nuclear deal, then acted shocked when Iran got spicy.
- Afghanistan: Signed a deal with the Taliban that said “No take-backs.”
- America: Divided it so hard it now qualifies for its own DMZ.
If chaos counts as peace, then yes, award the man a golden dove and a participation ribbon.
The Nobel for Narcissism
Johnson’s effort might be the most devoted act of political fan-fiction since Lindsey Graham’s “Trump Is My Soulmate” tour. The “Peace Through Strength” slogan apparently translates to “Please Don’t Endorse My Primary Opponent.”
Meanwhile, Trump, whose diplomatic style involves caps-locked threats and a Sharpie map of Alabama’s weather, is reportedly “honored.”
He probably thinks “Nobel” means “No Bell,” as in “no alarm clocks in prison.”
Peace, One Indictment at a Time
If the Nobel Committee had a category for “Conflict Creation and Self-Promotion,” he’d win in a landslide. But since it’s for peace, they may have to rename it “The Audacity Award.”
Because let’s be honest, nothing says “man of peace” like someone who:
- Tried to ban Muslims,
- Called soldiers “suckers and losers,”
- And told Americans to “fight like hell” against democracy itself.
In Conclusion: No Bell, No Prize
So congrats, Mr. Speaker. You’ve turned the Nobel Peace Prize into a Nobel Piece of Propaganda. Maybe next time nominate him for Best Original Fiction, Most Fragile Ego, or Lifetime Achievement in Gaslighting.
Until then, we’ll be over here nominating America for therapy.
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