Dictatorship Lite™: Trump Uses DOJ to Investigate the Woman Who Beat Him in Court—Because He Can

Breaking: Trump’s fragile ego is now a national security threat. Again.

In the latest installment of “What If Richard Nixon Had Twitter and No Shame,” President Donald J. Trump—yes, still president, somehow—has weaponized the Justice Department to investigate New York Attorney General Letitia James. Her crime? Successfully proving that Trump committed fraud to the tune of $464 million.

So naturally, he’s launched a federal civil rights probe into her.

Because nothing says “land of the free” like the President using the FBI as a private revenge squad.

The Facts (Unfortunately Real)

Letitia James sued Trump, won, and secured a judgment that even his Truth Social stock can’t cover. Shortly after, Trump’s DOJ opened a civil rights investigation into James and issued a federal subpoena—an unsubtle, legally-wrapped “how dare you?” from a wannabe strongman who confuses justice with personal vendettas.

And get this: they’re claiming she violated his civil rights.
That’s right. Donald Trump, the man currently staging an American authoritarian cosplay tour, thinks he’s the victim.

Translation: The Banana Republic Has Arrived

This isn’t just political theater. It’s a trial balloon for tyranny. If Trump can turn the Justice Department into a glorified grievance committee, then congratulations—we're no longer a democracy, we’re a Banana MAGA Republic™.

• Enemy makes you pay for your crimes? Investigate them.
• Law enforcement inconvenient? Defund them.
• Judges rule against you? Threaten them.
• Constitution? Only if it fits on a golf scorecard.

Trump isn’t hiding it. He’s not pretending. He’s turning the presidency into a payback engine, and the DOJ into his personal Yelp review squad, downvoting anyone who didn’t kiss the ring—or fake the net worth.

Satirical Bonus Round: Trump’s Future Justice Plans

Leaked (but obviously true) plans for future DOJ actions:

• Subpoena Merriam-Webster for defining “fraud.”
• Launch RICO investigation into Rosie O’Donnell.
• Arrest James Comey for blinking too loudly.
• Ban the color black from legal robes because it’s “woke.”

Final Thought: We Told You So

This is not just revenge. It’s a test of how far Trump can go before the public shrugs and the courts roll over. If he can intimidate a state attorney general who beat him in court, what’s next?

You.
Me.
That guy who called him “Cheeto Mussolini” on Threads.