Kash Patel — FBI Director (not technically Cabinet, but too wild to skip)

Patel’s qualifications to run the FBI are about as solid as a résumé that says “loyal Trump employee, occasional cable-news talking head.” He’s never commanded a police department, never led a law-enforcement agency, and never had to manage a national network of investigations. But he’s got the one credential Trump values most: total loyalty. That’s why senators grilled him over whether the FBI was becoming a political hit squad instead of an independent watchdog.

The risks are huge: the FBI is supposed to pursue crime, not carry out vendettas. Yet Patel is exactly the kind of guy who’d greenlight an investigation into a late-night comedian for telling Trump jokes. The Bureau’s motto is “Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity” — but under Patel, it might as well be “Whatever Donald Wants.”

Marco Rubio — Secretary of State

Marco Rubio always wanted to be a major foreign-policy player, but until now his only real qualification was giving stern speeches on Sunday shows. He’s never been an ambassador, never run an embassy, never negotiated a peace deal. Confirmed 99–0, he at least has bipartisan trust — but that’s probably because senators were relieved Trump didn’t nominate Don Jr.

Rubio’s already drawn fire for pushing powers that could let the State Department yank passports for people deemed disloyal. That’s not diplomacy — that’s a loyalty oath. Imagine being stranded in Paris because Marco decided your Instagram looked “un-American.” The State Department is supposed to build bridges, but Rubio looks more interested in building walls overseas.

Scott Bessent — Treasury Secretary

Scott Bessent is a hedge fund guy whose career highlight reel is filled with Wall Street gambles, not public service. Running the Treasury is his first government job — because, sure, why not put the bookie in charge of the casino? His conflicts of interest are so thick he’s still “untangling” his financial holdings months after taking office.

Treasury has the power to make markets move with a single announcement. When the guy holding that power is also tied to investments, watchdogs get nervous. Bessent assures everyone he’s divesting — but even if he is, Wall Street’s going to assume his phone is still buzzing with texts from old friends. This isn’t “drain the swamp.” It’s filling the vault.

Pete Hegseth — Defense Secretary

Pete Hegseth is a former Army officer, sure, but since then his career has been all about being a Fox News talking head. Running the Pentagon isn’t the same as shouting “America First” on morning TV. His confirmation squeaked through 51–50, which tells you just how little faith even the Senate had in his management skills.

The Pentagon is the largest bureaucracy on Earth, with two million people and a trillion-dollar budget. It requires sober, nonpartisan leadership. Instead, Trump put in a TV general who sees the Defense Department as another platform for culture wars. The idea of Hegseth running military strategy is like giving the nuclear codes to a man whose main combat experience lately has been against the teleprompter.

Pam Bondi — Attorney General

Pam Bondi, the former Florida AG best known for defending Trump during impeachment, is now the nation’s top law-enforcement officer. She’s never run the Justice Department, never commanded its vast divisions, and critics say her record in Florida was more about press conferences than policy.

Then there’s the “hate speech” fiasco. Bondi floated the idea that DOJ might start prosecuting it — which, aside from being unconstitutional, sounded a lot like prepping a legal sledgehammer for Trump’s critics. She later backtracked, but the damage was done: Americans saw the Attorney General hinting that free speech is conditional on keeping the boss happy. Neutral justice? Not in this department.

Doug Burgum — Interior Secretary

Doug Burgum is a former governor who loves drilling rigs more than hiking trails. Interior is supposed to balance resource extraction with conservation — think Yellowstone, Grand Canyon, tribal lands. Burgum’s plan? Drill, baby, drill. Environmentalists call him an industry plant, and his actions so far have looked more like an oil-company boardroom than Teddy Roosevelt’s conservation legacy.

Interior’s watchdogs were among those purged early in Trump’s term, meaning less oversight as Burgum fast-tracks drilling and mining leases. If you’re a fossil-fuel executive, Burgum’s your dream guy. If you’re a tree, well…good luck.

Brooke Rollins — Agriculture Secretary

Brooke Rollins is a think-tank policy wonk with zero farming background. She once worked at a group that opposed farm subsidies and ethanol mandates. Now she runs USDA, which literally manages those programs. It’s like making someone who hates sports the commissioner of the NFL.

She’s softened her tone since taking office, but small farmers aren’t convinced. When subsidies or crop insurance are on the chopping block, they know Rollins’ instincts lean toward “cut them loose.” Agribusiness loves her. Family farms? They’re starting to feel like background extras in a corporate ad.

Howard Lutnick — Commerce Secretary

Howard Lutnick is the Wall Street mogul who runs Cantor Fitzgerald. Commerce is supposed to regulate markets and industries fairly, but Lutnick couldn’t resist going on Fox News to tell viewers, “Buy Tesla.” Yes, the Commerce Secretary was publicly pumping a stock — while his family firm had financial exposure to it.

That’s not just unqualified — that’s a walking ethics violation. Commerce oversees everything from trade to the census to tech rules, and Lutnick’s conflicts are glaring. It’s like having your fantasy football buddy also referee the Super Bowl — only this time, billions of dollars are on the line.

Lori Chavez-DeRemer — Labor Secretary

Lori Chavez-DeRemer has a nice résumé as a congresswoman and mayor, but she’s no champion of workers. Her record leans heavily pro-business, and unions don’t see her as an ally. She now runs the Department of Labor, which is supposed to be the referee between workers and bosses.

Under Chavez-DeRemer, OSHA and wage-enforcement rules are expected to soften, making life easier for corporations and harder for the people on the shop floor. Workers wanted a safety net; what they got was a Secretary who seems more interested in pleasing management.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. — HHS Secretary

RFK Jr. has spent years promoting anti-vaccine conspiracies. Now he runs the nation’s health system. That’s not irony — that’s tragedy. He’s not a doctor, not a public-health leader, and his scientific credibility is thinner than a hospital gown.

Under his watch, vaccine guidance has already been thrown into chaos. Panels have been reshuffled, recommendations delayed, and public health groups are in panic mode. If measles makes a comeback, or if parents get mixed signals on immunizations, Kennedy will be the reason. It’s Dracula in charge of the blood bank.

Scott Turner — HUD Secretary

Scott Turner went from the NFL to real estate development to running the Department of Housing and Urban Development. HUD’s mission is affordable housing and fair-housing enforcement. Turner’s mission? Critics say it looks a lot like making life easier for developers.

His ties to Opportunity Zones and real estate raise alarms that HUD’s billions in funding could become just another developer subsidy. For families struggling with rent, Turner’s HUD feels less like a helping hand and more like a sales pitch.

Sean Duffy — Transportation Secretary

Sean Duffy is a former reality-TV star turned congressman. Running DOT is a massive job: airlines, highways, bridges, trains. Duffy’s background? Prosecutor, politician, media personality. Infrastructure expertise? None.

Already he’s using DOT to wage culture wars, warning states about contracting practices instead of focusing on safety. When planes are delayed or bridges collapse, Americans won’t care about politics — they’ll want competence. And DOT isn’t getting it.

Chris Wright — Energy Secretary

Chris Wright is a fracking CEO who doesn’t buy the “climate crisis” framing. That’s fine for oil-company boardrooms. Not fine for running DOE, which oversees national labs and climate research. He’s supposed to manage the transition to clean energy, but he doesn’t believe in the problem.

Watchdogs flagged his stock holdings and industry ties before confirmation. He pledged to divest, but the revolving door is still spinning. If DOE policy looks suspiciously like an oil-company wishlist, now you know why.

Linda McMahon — Education Secretary

Linda McMahon co-founded WWE and ran the Small Business Administration. Neither prepared her to manage America’s schools. She’s openly said the Department of Education’s “final mission” should be dismantling itself. Imagine a principal who says, “We should close the school.” That’s her.

Already she’s laid off staff and redirected funds, sparking lawsuits. Teachers and parents worry the department meant to support public education is being hollowed out from the inside. McMahon isn’t here to improve schools — she’s here to kill the department.

Doug Collins — Veterans Affairs Secretary

Doug Collins is a former congressman and chaplain. Noble background, sure — but running the VA means overseeing the nation’s largest hospital system, serving nine million veterans. That’s way out of his depth.

Early on, he’s leaned hard into political rhetoric while veterans’ advocates worry about delays, staff cuts, and morale. Veterans deserve someone who understands healthcare logistics, not someone rehearsing cable-news talking points.

Kristi Noem — Homeland Security Secretary

Kristi Noem made her brand as governor on immigration crackdowns and border theatrics. Now she runs DHS, an agency responsible for FEMA, cybersecurity, Secret Service, and yes, border security. Problem is, she’s never managed any of those pieces.

Her focus so far? Immigration theater and headline-chasing raids. Meanwhile, DHS’s other missions — like keeping infrastructure safe from cyberattacks — risk being sidelined. America’s security is too big for culture-war politics, but that’s exactly what Noem is serving.

The Big Picture

Trump’s Cabinet isn’t about competence. It’s about loyalty and conflicts of interest. Oil guys run Energy. Wall Street guys run Treasury and Commerce. An anti-vaxxer runs Health. A wrestling mogul runs Education. The FBI is run by a loyalist whose main qualification is “says yes to Donald.”

This isn’t “only the best.” It’s only the loyal — and America is stuck paying the price.

If Trump’s Cabinet of Cronies didn’t already give you heartburn, check out these gems:

• Kristi Noem turned Homeland Security into a Homeland Circus during her California power trip — popcorn not included. 👉 Read it here
• Worker safety? Trump’s answer is “What safety?” in his push for deregulation. OSHA cuts are literally a pain. 👉 Check it out
• And of course, no authoritarian starter pack is complete without a “Big, Beautiful Bill” — a patriotic-sounding masterclass in power grabs. 👉 Dive in here