So I’m a Liberal. No, That Doesn’t Mean I Want to Eat Your Dog and Burn the Flag.

Apparently being a liberal in America today is code for:
☑️ Godless
☑️ Freeloading
☑️ Triggered by toast
☑️ Trying to make your pickup truck gay

Let’s clear some things up, shall we? Because I’m exhausted by the conspiracy theory version of me that lives rent-free in your Facebook feed.

Here’s what I actually believe — you know, in real life, where facts live.

1. No, I Don’t Want Your Guns

Keep your guns. Keep your camo. Hell, keep your “Don’t Tread on Me” underpants. I just don’t think 2nd graders should have to run active shooter drills between math and lunch. That’s not tyranny. That’s trauma.

2. I’m Not Anti-Christian. I’m Just Not Here for Holy Legislation

You want to pray? Knock yourself out. You want to go to church? Go! I’ll even hold the door.

But if your “freedom of religion” means I have to live under your Bible — congrats, you’ve become the thing you claim to hate. (Cough Sharia law cough.)

3. Healthcare: Let’s Try “Don’t Let People Die” as a Policy

Call me radical, but I don’t think an ambulance ride should cost more than a used Honda. Nobody should have to choose between chemo and rent. I’m not saying Obamacare is perfect — I’m saying death by deductible isn’t better.

4. I Want LGBTQ+ Folks to Have the Same Rights. Not More. Not Less. Just Equal.

No, they’re not coming for your marriages.
No, they’re not demanding special privileges.
They just want to pee in peace, marry who they love, and not get hate-crimed on the way to Target. Why is that hard?

5. Political Correctness Is Just Not Being a Jerk

If you tell me your name is Charles, I’m not going to insist on calling you Chuck “because free speech.”
If a community says a term is offensive, I’ll stop using it.
Why? Because I have manners. Try it sometime.

6. I’ll Gladly Pay More Taxes — If It Means Grandma Can Afford Her Insulin

I’m not saying, “Rob me blind.” I’m saying, “Please take this reasonable percentage of my income and stop letting people die for lack of dental.”
What I don’t want? Another $800 billion going to defense contractors while my neighbor can’t afford a root canal.

7. The System Is Rigged, But Not the Way Fox News Says

No, I don’t think lazy freeloaders are living the dream on your dime.
I do think it’s bonkers that Amazon paid $0 in taxes while your cousin Mike got hit with a $900 tax bill for DoorDashing tacos while self-employed.

8. A Job Should Let You Live, Not Just Survive

No one should work full-time and still have to choose between gas and groceries.
If you think “burger flippers don’t deserve a living wage,” congrats — you’ve just said some jobs deserve poverty. That’s gross. Knock it off.

9. Undocumented Immigrants Are Not Living the Dream™

They don’t get free iPhones, luxury apartments, or bottomless welfare lattes.
What they do get? Exploited.
If your job was “stolen,” take it up with the boss who wanted to save $2/hour — not the guy who risked his life to pick your strawberries.

10. Regulation Isn’t Oppression — It’s Why Your Shampoo Isn’t Made of Gasoline

Look, I don’t want government in everything.
But I also don’t want to worry if the chicken nuggets are secretly made of asbestos.
Regulations are why you don’t have lead in your lunchbox. You're welcome.

11. Racism and Sexism Didn’t Retire in 1964

If you think inequality magically disappeared because we had a Black president and a pink pussy hat parade, I have a bridge to sell you.
We’re still swimming in systemic -isms — you just don’t notice them if they don’t happen to you.

12. Women Are People. That’s It. That’s the Belief.

Same pay. Same rights. Same ability to control their own damn bodies.
If that offends you, I’d like to introduce you to the 21st century. It’s great here. We have Wi-Fi and respect.

13. Fossil Fuels Are So Last Season

It’s 2025. We have solar panels, wind turbines, and cars that don’t fart carbon monoxide.
Let’s invest in the future, retrain workers, and stop pretending coal is a personality trait.

14. Student Debt Is Not a Character-Building Experience

You shouldn’t have to ruin your credit score to read Shakespeare. Other countries have figured out affordable education.
We can too — if we stop pretending $90,000 for a bachelor’s degree is normal.

15. Fascism Isn’t Just a Word. It’s a Checklist — and We’re Checking Boxes

No, not every politician I dislike is Hitler.
But if you’re banning books, demonizing the press, scapegoating minorities, and screaming “enemies of the people”...
Well. I’ve seen this episode before. It doesn’t end great.

16. A Civilized Country Doesn’t Let People Suffer Just to Save a Buck

You don’t need to work 80 hours a week so your neighbor can lay around on a hover couch.
You do need to realize that letting people die of hunger, exposure, or curable illness because “they didn’t earn it” is morally bankrupt.
Compassion isn’t weakness — it’s policy.

Bottom Line?

I’m a liberal. Not a socialist demon lizard. Not your enemy. Just someone who believes that taking care of each other — all of us — makes a better country for everyone.

If you think that makes me soft, you haven’t seen me in a debate.

If this made you laugh, nod, or mildly sweat — go ahead and share it. Or scream into the void. Whatever works.