President Trump’s 2025 “Cognitive Fitness Tour” Kicks Off With a Bang—and by Bang, We Mean a Truth Social Post Meltdown

It’s June 2025, and President Donald J. Trump is once again running the country the way a raccoon runs a dumpster—chaotically, loudly, and with frequent references to his own mental fitness.

His latest presidential proclamation came not from a podium or a press conference, but from his beloved corner of the internet: Truth Social, the platform where grammar goes to die and nicknames are a substitute for policy.

Let’s take a guided tour through the latest Trumpian fever dream, shall we?

“Stupid AOC…”

The opening line reads like a 3 a.m. Facebook comment from a guy banned from Home Depot for fighting a grill. He kicks off by calling AOC "stupid"—because what else says “Commander-in-Chief” like a 79-year-old man body-slamming a millennial congresswoman online?

It’s nice to know that while inflation ticks up and international tensions simmer, the President of the United States is busy negging a woman who scares him by being literate.

Impeachment? Again? Already?!

Trump rants that AOC is calling for his impeachment—again. It’s been five months since Inauguration Day, and he’s already melting down like someone who just found out “executive privilege” doesn’t mean free McDonald’s in the West Wing.

He frames past impeachments as badges of honor, like he’s collecting them for a presidential loyalty punch card. One more and he gets a free war crime!

Cognitive Test: The Remix

Yes, we’re back to that test—“person, woman, man, camera, TV.” Trump claims he aced it again at Walter Reed, as if remembering five nouns qualifies him to manage nuclear codes.

He says AOC should take it too, apparently under the belief that governance is decided by who can win a round of presidential Scattergories.

The man is obsessed. Most people pass a cognitive test and move on. Trump treats it like he just beat Einstein in a math-off.

Ilhan Omar, Queens, and ‘The Mouse’—It’s a Small World After All

He shifts seamlessly (read: manically) to insulting Ilhan Omar, inventing a new country of origin for her like he’s playing dictator Mad Libs. Then he tells AOC to go “clean up Queens”—as if she’s a councilwoman with a mop and not a federal legislator.

Then there’s “The Mouse.” Yes, Disney is apparently pulling the strings of the United States Congress now. Ron DeSantis is somewhere reading this and muttering, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Chuck Schumer, Now a Palestinian

In a twist that confused even the ghost of geography class, Trump refers to Chuck Schumer as a “Great Palestinian Senator,” which is weird, since he’s… not.

Maybe Trump meant to say “great pestering senator,” or maybe he just thinks everyone who disagrees with him is part of a foreign plot. Either way, we’ve entered a part of the post where facts and words are held together by duct tape and burger grease.

Dirty Harry Ending, but Make It Grandpa

And then, like a MAGA Clint Eastwood with a comb-over and a cholesterol problem, Trump ends with:

“So go ahead and try Impeaching me again, MAKE MY DAY!”

Sir, this is not a Western. You’re not standing off against outlaws—you’re under investigation by the GAO. Sit down. Drink water.

🔚 The Final Diagnosis

This post wasn’t written by a stable president. It reads like someone who got high on Sharpie fumes while yelling at Fox News reruns. It’s the literary equivalent of shouting “BINGO!” at a chess tournament.

In five months of being back in office, Trump has:

• Invaded a sovereign airspace on a dare
• Compared himself favorably to Jesus, Elvis, and Tom Brady—in one sentence
• Spent more time online than any of his predecessors spent in actual war rooms

But don’t worry—he aced the cognitive test.

Closing Thought:
If 2025 Trump is the sequel to 2020 Trump, this is less The Empire Strikes Back and more Home Alone 3: Executive Branch Edition.

God help us all.
Especially the Mouse.