Louisiana Declares War… on Empty Walls

In an audacious act of wall-based evangelism, Louisiana lawmakers—guided by divine inspiration or décor desperation—passed a law requiring public school classrooms to display The Ten Commandments. The posters must be “large and easily readable,” as all good commandments should be.

“History,” But Make It Holy

“It’s not about religion—it’s about history!”
— Every lawmaker who’s about to get sued

Supporters claim it’s merely a tribute to American heritage, totally ignoring the fact that “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife” didn’t exactly influence the Constitution (unless Jefferson left out some footnotes).

If “historical significance” is the new legal loophole, can we also post Hammurabi’s Code next to the cafeteria lunch schedule?

Praise Be to the Donors

No worries, Louisiana taxpayers! The state won’t foot the bill—these sanctified wall hangings will be paid for with donations. Truly the free market at its most godly. Crowdfunding commandments: it’s what Jesus would’ve done.

The Constitution? Never Heard of Her

In a stunning plot twist, a federal judge actually referenced the Constitution (remember that thing?) and ruled the law “plainly unconstitutional.” Imagine that—invoking the First Amendment in a public school case. Who does that anymore?

Selective Faith and Selective Enforcement

Attorney General Liz Murrill argued the ban only applies to five school boards—because nothing says equal protection like arbitrary jurisdiction. The rest of the state? Free to roll out the religious wallpaper until someone else sues.

Coming Soon: Religious Revival, Desk Edition

“Thou shalt not steal… unless it’s the spotlight from actual educational priorities.”

Next legislative session may include optional baptisms during morning announcements, or maybe a “Commandments Pledge” right after the national anthem.

Closing Thoughts from the Teacher’s Lounge

Teacher A: “Is it weird that the new classroom rules poster includes the word adultery?”
Teacher B: “I just hope they replace ‘Don’t kill’ with something more motivational for finals week.”
Teacher C: “So… do I get a raise for enforcing God’s law and grading essays?”

The Final Word

This isn’t about religion. It’s about distraction. If Louisiana lawmakers want to fix education, they might try funding schools, raising teacher pay, or maybe—just maybe—leaving the Constitution intact.

Until then, we can all sleep soundly knowing our children will memorize the Ten Commandments instead of learning critical thinking.

👉 Tired of theocracy disguised as policy? For more biting satire, constitutional irony, and faith-based facepalms, visit GOPocalypse-Now.com — where reality is too absurd not to mock.