June 14th: No Kings Day vs. Trump’s Birthday Military Parade—Coincidence?

By Rob Robertson, National Satire Correspondent (Still Not Bowing to a Man in a Red Hat)

America, grab your flags and your popcorn—it’s about to get imperial.

June 14th has always been Flag Day, a low-key civic celebration of the Stars and Stripes. But this year? It’s about to be Trump Day, complete with tanks, flyovers, and a full-blown military parade in Washington, D.C. Because nothing screams “We’re not a monarchy!” like a septuagenarian former president staging a taxpayer-funded spectacle on the National Mall for his birthday.

Also—it just so happens to be the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army.
And yes, Donald J. Trump’s birthday.
And most importantly: No Kings Day—a modern celebration of our rejection of tyranny.

So what do you call it when the would-be king holds a golden birthday parade on the same day we were supposed to be celebrating not having kings?

The Emperor Has No Humility

According to official sources (and leaked Truth Social rants), the June 14th Trump-a-palooza will feature:

• 6,600 active-duty troops, because of course it will
• 150+ military vehicles, many of which are more emotionally stable than the guest of honor
• 50 aircraft flying overhead in formation, spelling out "HBD DJT"
• A 21-cannon salute followed by a dramatic reading of Trump’s Truth Social posts by Kid Rock

Oh—and a cake shaped like the Capitol building filled with McNuggets.

Military leaders insist it’s about honoring the Army’s legacy, but we’re guessing the timing wasn’t entirely accidental. When your ego is the size of Texas, even the Pentagon becomes a prop.

“This will be the biggest birthday since Jesus,” one anonymous aide allegedly said. “Except this time, there’s an actual cross involved—on the invite.”

Democracy With a Side of Dictator Vibes

Let’s not forget—Trump’s entire political career has been a slow-motion monarchy audition:

• Insisting he won an election he lost
• Trying to block a peaceful transfer of power
• Referring to himself as “your favorite president”
• Floating the idea of “retribution” and jailing political opponents

So while MAGA crowds cheer the tanks, the rest of us will be out here asking:

Why is a man obsessed with authoritarian power using a military parade to celebrate himself on the day we’re supposed to honor our rejection of kings?

No Kings. Especially That One.

Let’s not get distracted by gold-plated theatrics. June 14th is our day—the people’s day—to remind America what it stands for: No tyrants. No crowns. No cults of personality.

Join us for #NoKingsDay:

• Share your flag (and flip-flop) photos
• Attend local counter-protests (Houston, Seattle, and more)
• Download protest art and merch at NoKings.org

Let’s make June 14th a celebration of the republic—not the reality show rerun trying to crown himself king.