Glitter v. Florida: The Supreme Court Sparkle Showdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. — June 2025
In a dazzling display of First Amendment fabulosity, the Supreme Court began hearing Glitter v. Florida — a landmark case that may determine once and for all whether Americans have a constitutional right to sparkle.

The case was filed in response to Florida’s so-called “Beige Awareness Act,” which banned “excessive chromatic expression” during June. The law effectively outlawed Pride Month celebrations, rainbow flags, and anything “too expressive, glittery, or joyful.”

“You can’t legislate beige,” said lead plaintiff and drag legal scholar Justice Sashay. “We’re here to defend liberty, visibility, and sequins — in all 50 states, including the tan ones.”

Florida’s defense? That glitter is a gateway drug to jazz hands.

What the Case Is Really About

The plaintiffs — a coalition of LGBTQ+ activists, drag artists, and the United Fabrics of Fabulous — argue the law violates:

• The First Amendment (freedom of expression)
• The Equal Protection Clause
• “Basic human decency and fashion”

Florida claims glitter causes “moral confusion” and “slippery surfaces,” and insists beige is “the safest shade for families.”

Governor Ron DeSantis even submitted a swatch book of acceptable neutral tones. Spoiler: they’re all called “American Beige.”

Inside the Courtroom

Opening day featured:

• Glitter bombs in the reflecting pool
• Clarence Thomas shielding his eyes with a leather-bound Bible
• Sonia Sotomayor mouthing “Yas queen” during oral arguments
• And Chief Justice Roberts trying — and failing — to maintain order as protestors held up signs like “THOU SHALT NOT DIM MY LIGHT”

Real Questions from Real Justices

Justice Kagan:

“Are you seriously suggesting that pink is a threat to public order?”

Justice Jackson:

“Where in the Constitution does it say we can criminalize fabulousness?”

Florida’s attorney:

“It’s... in the subtext.”

What’s at Stake

If the Court rules in favor of Glitter:

• Pride Month could be reinstated in Florida
• Colorful self-expression could receive heightened legal protection
• DeSantis may be forced to attend Kinky Boots in full drag

If the Court sides with Florida, brace for copycat bills like:

• Texas’s “No Jazz Hands Before Jesus” Act
• Mississippi’s “Mandatory Burlap Dress Code” for Public Libraries

🪩 The Final Word

A ruling is expected in late November — just in time for National Visibility Week and the premiere of Barbie 2: The Reckoning.

Until then, remember:
You can’t beige away a revolution.

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