Big Brother's Big Letdown: MAGA Realizes They’re in the Database Too

By Bob Robertson, Surveillance Satire Correspondent (Now Broadcasting on All Known Watchlists)

Oh no.
The MAGA faithful are having a rough week. Turns out, when you cheer for a police state, you might actually get one— and now some are discovering they’ve been swept up in Trumpworld’s dream project: a Palantir-powered database that would make Orwell say “Whoa, dude.”

According to Newsweek, Trump’s allies are working with Palantir — the real-life Black Mirror startup that builds surveillance systems for ICE and the Pentagon — to create a massive MAGA-friendly database of American citizens. The goal? Tracking, sorting, and controlling anyone who might be less than loyal to Dear Leader 2.0.

This isn’t a drill.
It’s a fascist spreadsheet.

Thought Crimes, But Make It MAGA

The system would allow a second Trump administration to flag individuals based on everything from social media posts to voting records. And suddenly… some MAGA fans are nervous.

“Wait, they might monitor me?”

Yes, Kyle. That’s how authoritarianism works. It doesn’t stop at the libs. It keeps going until you’re the one who wore the wrong hat to the wrong church in the wrong state.

This is what happens when you build a system that demands “loyalty or else” — the “else” eventually comes for you, too.

Palantir: Because “1984” Was Apparently a How-To Manual

Let’s break it down:
Palantir isn’t some neutral software company. It’s basically Skynet with better PR. It built ICE’s deportation systems. It helped the military track insurgents. And now, it’s being tapped to digitally deputize Trump’s next purge.

But sure, let’s put them in charge of a massive Trump loyalty database. What could go wrong?

It’s like handing Freddy Krueger a sleep tracker.

MAGA Tears: A Delicacy of Irony

The best part?
The same folks who screamed about “freedom,” “government overreach,” and “microchips in vaccines” are now frantically checking if they’re on the loyalty list… and realizing they may have tweeted one too many “I kinda liked Ron DeSantis” posts back in 2023.

You voted for it.
You cheered for it.
Now you get to be tracked by it.

Alexa, play “You Get What You Give.”

Final Thoughts (Now Indexed & Logged)

This isn't just a “gotcha” moment. It’s a reminder that authoritarian systems don’t come with an off switch. You don’t get to pick and choose who they crush — once built, they run. They surveil. They suppress.

And if you're disappointed that Trump’s dystopia is pointed in your direction now?
We’d say welcome to the club — but we were screaming about this when you were busy chanting “Lock her up.”

No Kings. No Cults. No Databases Required.