Big Beautiful Bill”: A Masterclass in Authoritarianism Disguised as Patriotism

By the Editors of GOPocalypse Now

“Sure, it slashes health care and hands the rich a check with your name on it. But it’s big. It’s beautiful. And it’s Trump’s.”

— Definitely not satire, unfortunately

Although we’re a satirical publication, we occasionally feel compelled to peel off the clown nose, put down the glitter pen, and whisper something wild: facts still matter.

Especially when we’re talking about Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill Act” (OBBBA), a legislative Frankenstein’s monster that’s part tax scam, part social demolition derby, and 100% power grab. While the bill’s title sounds like a cologne you’d see advertised during a UFC match, what it really smells like is authoritarian overreach with notes of oligarchy and freshly printed donor checks.

Let’s break it down.

🏛 1. The Power Grab in Gold-Plated Camouflage

Let’s not bury the lede: buried deep in the footnotes of this legislative meat grinder is a provision that weakens federal court oversight. That’s right—OBBBA restricts the judiciary’s ability to hold government officials in contempt when they ignore court orders. Because if there’s one thing this country desperately needed, it was less accountability for powerful men who think the Constitution is a menu.

It also lets the Treasury Department strip nonprofits of tax-exempt status if they’re “supporting terrorism”—which, in the Trumpian worldview, could include environmental groups, immigrant aid orgs, or anyone who tweeted “ACAB” in 2020. Executive power now gets to decide who’s a terrorist and who just wants to hand out sandwiches at a protest.

💸 2. A Tax Cut Soaked in Caviar

Let’s talk about the $3.75 trillion in tax cuts, mostly benefiting the top 1%. Highlights include:

Eliminating taxes on tips (nice for servers, but better for Trump hotels)
Eliminating taxes on overtime (yay for your boss!)
Eliminating taxes on car loan interest (a gift to car dealerships and rich folks leasing Bentleys)

Meanwhile, the SALT cap is quadrupled, which helps millionaires in blue states. It’s almost like Trump’s trying to bribe coastal elites into forgetting he once threatened to nuke Manhattan with mean tweets.

🚑 3. “You Don’t Need Healthcare, You Need Freedom!”

The bill slashes Medicaid with strict new work requirements and imposes bureaucratic hoops that would make Kafka weep. The result? The Congressional Budget Office estimates 10.9 million Americans will lose coverage—which is an elegant way of saying: people will die preventable deaths because a rich man in Florida wanted to give himself a raise.

Let that sink in: 51,000 preventable deaths per year. That’s more than some wars. It’s not healthcare policy—it’s triage by tax cut.

🥫 4. SNAP Cuts That Kick Hungry Kids While They’re Down

The bill redefines “dependent child” as anyone under seven years old. Because apparently, if you’re eight and hungry, you’re just lazy. Single parents must meet work requirements or lose food aid. So unless your kid can microwave Top Ramen and walk themselves to school, tough luck.

Also, states now have to shoulder more of the administrative burden, which is like handing someone a flaming trash can and saying, “Here, balance this with your budget.”

🤖 5. Let AI Run Wild, But States Can’t Touch It

Trump’s bill blocks states from regulating artificial intelligence for the next ten years. Because nothing says “pro-democracy” like banning your local government from protecting you from killer algorithms or employment-decimating bots.

Just wait until your job is replaced by a ChatGPT that calls you “bro.”

💣 6. Deficits? Who Cares—We’re Building Empires

Despite Republicans’ lifelong obsession with “fiscal responsibility” (see: Paul Ryan’s yoga of concern), the bill adds $2.4 trillion to the national debt. That’s right—this thing is so fiscally reckless, even Rand Paul is clutching his Constitution like a MAGA stress ball.

🧠 7. The Executive Branch: Now with 20% More Authoritarianism™

This isn’t just a bill. It’s a roadmap to consolidating executive power under a man who once asked if we could nuke hurricanes. Trump is stacking the deck: weaken the courts, muzzle nonprofits, silence opposition, and deregulate AI—all while gutting healthcare and bloating the deficit.

It’s like watching democracy get mugged in a dark alley by a man shouting, “It’s gonna be tremendous!”

🏁 Final Thought: When a Joke Stops Being Funny

We love a good political roast. But OBBBA isn’t satire. It’s real. It’s dangerous. And it’s designed to look like “populism” while hollowing out the core institutions that protect everyday Americans from autocracy.

So yeah, we’ll keep making jokes. But we’ll also keep pointing out the facts. Because this bill? This “Big Beautiful” disaster?

It’s the ugliest thing we’ve seen in a long, long time.