Mitch McConnell Retires: America’s Saddest Roomba Finally Powers Down
Mitch McConnell is retiring—not out of honor, but because his body finally gave out. The Senate’s Grim Reaper leaves behind a legacy of rot, cowardice, and Trump servitude.
Bob Robertson
Trump Wants to Ban Mail Ballots—Because Nothing Says “Democracy” Like a Dictator in Training
Trump’s latest scheme? Ban mail-in ballots and voting machines for 2026. It’s the same recycled 2020 “rigged” lie that already cost Fox $787M and Newsmax millions. Constitutionally impossible, politically suicidal—and hilariously dangerous.
America First, Democracy Last: Oklahoma’s Teacher Test Is Project 2025 in a MAGA Hat
What do you get when you mix Christian nationalism, PragerU propaganda, and a fake teacher test? The Project 2025 playbook in action—and it starts in Oklahoma’s classrooms.
Trump Declares War on Low Crime: D.C. Gets the National Guard Whether It Likes It or Not
Trump just declared a “crime emergency” in D.C. despite crime rates hitting historic lows—because nothing says law and order like a National Guard parade for dictator cosplay.
Trump’s $170 Billion Deportation Binge: DHS Gets a Blank Check and a Free Pass
Congress just gave DHS nearly $170 billion for Trump’s mass deportation plan—without asking many questions. It’s like handing a teenager your AmEx and the keys to your liquor cabinet.
Trump’s DOJ Opens a Time Portal to 2016—Because Apparently That’s Easier Than Governing in 2025
Trump’s Justice Department, led by America’s favorite Florida retiree cosplay queen Pam Bondi, is launching a grand jury probe into the origins of the Russia investigation—because why not weaponize nostalgia and federal law enforcement?
Trump Fires Jobs Chief for Telling the Truth — Employment Numbers Now Subject to Executive Approval
After a “disrespectful” July jobs report, President Trump fired the nation’s top labor statistician and replaced her with someone who “doesn’t make sad graphs.” Welcome to the Ministry of Jobaganda.